postcard: tonglen tanka #2

I don't know these words
grace and mercy. forgiveness.
I wish them for you
to be kinder to yourself
and to the hearts in your care.

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/55312729081/tonglen-tanka-2

postcard: skeleton in your closet

From 5th grade to 8th grade I was a bit of a kleptomaniac. It likely started in TX with my sister & a friend thinking it funny to have me walk out of a store with something. But then in MN, I stole money from my grandmother, shirts and cassette tapes (yes, tapes) from my aunt and cousins, clothes and tapes from stores... I recall stealing an Ocean Pacific tee from a boutique clothing store/tanning salon (BouJous? Terrible name.) where my friend went tanning. I stole textbooks from English and writing classes and other books from libraries. I stole sunglasses. I stole silver rings and jewelry from the local crafts fair. I stole someone else's birthday gift while at a birthday party. That time I got caught. It was in middle school and it could have gone badly and stayed with me, but they mercifully downplayed it. The last thing I recall stealing was $ from the till at my first job. Then I just stopped. It felt gross and dishonest, and I didn't want to be that.

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/52200968266/u-pik-it-a-prompt-smorgasbord

postcard: in the year 04000

I have a terrible sense of history which makes envisioning the future really, really difficult. Lessee...  Continents' edges will have submerged leaving less room and less arable land and less potable water. We'll lose a lot of beautiful creatures. Beautiful beings. People will suffer. People will be kind. Arrogant, self-serving nations (wonder who?) will have fallen and new, more global nations will rise. I hope that the folly of eleventh hour thinking and reacting will have prompted a more collaborative approach to governance and resource sharing. But that would mean that the human race would have begun learning from history. People would have to be nothing like me and most people I know; to wake up from distraction; to recognize the sacred in each other and all things. Or maybe humankind will be wiped out by the after effects of the Great Asteroid of 03011, and Earth will be dominated by intelligent, self-aware descendants of the cockroach. Wait. Evolution can't happen that fast, can it? I suck at this.

In my view, people get to get together to form a society not because they're afraid and they want to strike a deal for mutual advantage, but it's much more out of love that they want to join with others in creating a world that's as good as it can be.
Martha Nussbaum, Examined Life

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/49660342301/in-the-year-04000

postcard: nostalgia

Things that brought me joy as a kid, mostly in Texas and between 7-10 yrs old: Learning Roman numerals (voluntarily during the summer) with a workbook given to us by I can't remember who. Being at the top of any tree, but especially the live oak in the neighbor's pasture. A wristwatch with a red leather band and a tiny beating heart on the face. (I broke the crystal while climbing the oak.) Sound collecting expeditions with a tape recorder and my brothers. Running full-out to the farthest reaches of the playground with Maggie. A little white plastic purse from Micah who was awkward and goofy and so sweet. Scissors gifted by a mortician that were sharp and pointy and probably not a wise choice for a child, but could cut construction paper with gratifying precision. Coloring and coloring books. Stacks of mimeograph prints of coloring pages I nabbed from my 2nd grade teacher's garbage can. The realization that adults could be wrong and I could be right.

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/47088037568/nostalgia

postcard: what spring brings

Spring is the light from a star pouring in my window, causing me to stop mid-stride, turn my face...eyes closed, see the pink of my eyelids and feel warmth soak into flesh and bone. My huddled, clenched body softens, loosens, recalls movement and flow.
Neither cold nor heat holds sway. It's the bridge between; the balance before the scale tips. It's remembering and marking the transition. No longing. No denunciation. Just appreciation of the contrast.

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/44428755878/forget-new-years-spring-is-for-rejuvenation

postcard: who loves you, baby?

Lots of people out there love me…and sincerely, I’m sure. But with most I’ve—we’ve—had years to muddy the waters. So much in suspension that makes love difficult to feel and see. So, though this is terribly cliché, the only exceptions I have to offer are my two children. Why do they love me? Well, because they’re hardwired to. Because I radiate imperfection. Because I acknowledge when I fail and say I’m sorry. Because no mistake they make is bigger than my love for them, and I think…I hope they know this.

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/42166797016/who-loves-you-baby

postcard: always look on the bright side of life

You can't have a Happy Life. There are happy moments and crap moments and meh moments...and a million other moments. I try to embrace them for what they are, not give extended influence to any one, and then move along. I try.
I also try to tip the happiness balance in my favor by
...spending time in the company of funny, smart, and kind people whenever possible.
...expending as little energy as possible on walking, talking black holes.
...carving out something for myself that keeps my brain active and forces me to create.
...knowing that every rough patch is just a string of crap moments, as fleeting as any other. Nothing crap can stay either, Ponyboy.
There's my bright side for you.

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/39442162766/always-look-on-the-bright-side-of-life

postcard: i still don't believe it

A slight majority voted for optimism and compassion.
But 47.8%, almost half, voted for fear. That's what I can't believe.
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” - Yoda

Designed by Fumiaki Kawahata

Folded and photographed by Phillip West

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/36935054949/i-still-dont-believe-it

postcard: out of place

I have eczema on my hands, and in recent months it was bad enough that I took to wearing cotton gloves--glaring white, no less...they don't come in any other color--to protect my skin from germs, from my own scratching and picking (sorry: truth), and because, well, nobody likes to flaunt hamburger hands.
So, these gloves are eye-catching, and I get no shortage of questions and comments when I wear them at the library.  One individual seeking out some automotive-related books asked about the gloves and, tempering my response based on a sixth sense (a weirdar?) developed out of necessity in my line of work, I replied simply, "I wear them to protect my hands."
The back and forth continued as we sussed out exactly what sort of automotive information he needed and I walked him to a shelf in the 629s to see if something might fit the bill.  Out of habit, I reached up to straighten some books on the shelf [WITH MY WHITE GLOVED HANDS]. It was clear to me early on (weirdar) that he was distracted--unable to get past the white gloves and some burning need to know more AND stricken by knowing there is no smooth, socially acceptable way to broach the subject again. The fruit of his mental labor?
"I've always wondered what it's like to handle books with gloves on."

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/34616849407/out-of-place

postcard: favorite line

I'll be the one to break my heart / I'll be the one to hold the gun

celebratory.

"I Feel It All" by Feist

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/33124902143/favorite-line

postcard: 1234...5

you doggedly, patiently strive
and in the meantime, in this
strip mall shoe box, make community
remember names, swap stories
enable pursuits of happiness

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/33135907264/12345

postcard: self portrait

What do you get when you cross a persistent, idealistic 20-year-old prone to indignation with the pragmatic version almost twice that age? Me.
I am not the woman my younger self envisioned. I am so much better and so much worse. We cohabit my brain, alternately disappointed with our spineless ultimatums, and impatient with our simplistic if-thens.
Writing helps the truce building. Beyond, because of, or in spite of all this (and depending on the realm), I'm a catalyst, a buffer, a connector, a cleaner, and a creator.
Hi.

http://nbwhoop.tumblr.com/post/33136402895/self-portrait